My Dad went to Taipei for two weeks for a retreat somewhere in a Buddhist sanctuary. And now he's back, he gave me one of these bracelet charms. Something that holds wishes and makes them come true. Monks from the place chanted mantras on the thing and it should hold some great energy.

Condition: Never to take it off until the wish comes true.

Whoaboy. I'm not skeptic - but I'm wearing it because of it's cute colors (I made a wish anyway - just in case). Although, I know I play a big part on the wish. True, that there's no such thing as a coincidence and everything is interconnected. So it's no accident that I am where I am now.

Could it be that this peace that I found (or found me) is really laid out? Again, I'm not skeptic. But I know how I'm going to spend the rest of my life. This is a vision and not a wish, unfolding before my very eyes.

I must have done something good.

I abandoned this site a few years back - just right after my godmother left a comment on an entry. I was uncomfortable then. But not anymore.

So much has happened. Love found me.

This is the first time I'm going to be writing about this on the web. I'm sure as hell, there will be no readers here, but just in case - I'm not hiding.

Jc and I were a dynamic couple in the office. We've been through a lot. 3 years - almost four built a lot. I loved her. I loved her with my all and the best way I can. I'm sure and felt that she did the same. There were wonderful moments to treasure and tender loving to remember her/us by.

Then somewhere along the way, our pieces together just can't move in the same direction anymore. It's not just the career path - it's the person in us. She once again fell silent in her own world, and I became louder. So loud that my name resonates through every corner and every wall. I guess, that's something she had to get away from - unconsciously. We were falling out of love, and falling into more of just friends who simply can't stand each other.

I guess my turning point was when my back broke. It's a good indication that I'm carrying too much. I was diagnosed with Slipped Disc.

Then came along Trish. A person from the past who was just a watcher. In the shortest time that we spent, The back pain went away. The troubles and stress at work went away. Everthing went away. And the last to go away, was Jc.

Jc and I ended on a mutual conversation, up until a few days after, I told her I'm with Trish already.

The story with Trish is one that no one will ever believe to be true. It started on the first date. It was the same day I was planning to give Jc a long break or a space. I was going home in Cavite and just commute my way to work for the next two weeks. But I decided I'll just shop my heart out and give the day a breather. I called my sister and we went out. Watched a movie and had foot spa. Then my phone started ringing - it was Trish, asking if I have time for coffee.

We met that evening. She picked me and my sister up from the mall. We dropped my sister off to her work and we had dinner. Her driving wasn't that exquisite, but I didn't mind. I figured, what and who can be crazier than me? On our way to my place, before she dropped me off, she asked me if she can take care of me - and I said Yes. This question and answer happened thrice. Then she asked me if she can spoil me whenever she's here in Manila. I said, No. She said, I have no choice. I shrugged. I was home early. That was a Sunday evening. Upon reaching the flat, I took a bath and got ready for sleep. I woke up at around 2 in the morning with a pang in my stomach - I mistook that for hunger. Moments after, my phone started ringing again, it's Trish. Her partner just threw her out of their place. She asked if we can meet, I agreed. Took a quick shower and hailed a cab. Her partner even called me to warn me about what I'm about to enter.

We were just there. In her hotel room - talking. Then her partner started knocking at the door. I had to somehow intervene. I talked to her partner first before I called for her. The conversation is very civil. I can feel that her partner loved her.

Then afterwards, we saw eachother every day. I'd go to her or she'll pick me up after work - just to hang out. I even let her meet Jc- because I value what Jc and I have at that time. I just felt that it's one way.

Until the last drop that Jc left me at Trish's place to go somewhere else.

That's it.

Trish and I are going steady now. She asked me to marry her - I said Yes. On all the moments we spent together, it's as if we have been making memories of eachother all our life and we just met now. There's no adjustment stage, no awkward moments. We just fit perfectly and fell into place. The finishing of statements, saying the same things at the same time - verbatim, liking the same things, songs, - just everyting. It's just so overwhelming. I truly believe I found my soulmate (if ever there is such).

So yes, I am very much happy now. Sigh. Dear blog, the world may not understand, and that's okay. There are two hearts embracing love. I love her. I love Grace Patricia Francisco, I Cherissa Vargas is very much in-love.

I seriously want a dog. A Labrador Retriever in particular. Maybe one male and one female. The male - I will name Toffee, and the female, I'll call Sheeba. I'll let them have babies and the names for those puppies will vary - depending on my mood.

I plan to have them running around our yard. I'll also have two cats, both male. I don't have a name for them yet but I have an idea on how the yard will look like. Of course there will be a pavillion for silent reading or for siestas in the afternoons.

Sigh.

I brought the laundry to the cleaners this morning and decided to go around the pool of our building. Maybe I can find a small space for my loud thoughts.

An old rusty swing was an open invitation. I was hoping I can sit by the water and dip my feet but the swing will do. I sat there and let my thoughts wander and probably I can entertain some distraction.

A limping cat came along. Too bad I wasn't bringing any piece of food that I can give it to nibble on. He seemed hungry. I'm not really sure how it happened, but he went up to my lap and allowed me to give him a rub.

Shortly after that, three kids arrived - just sat there with me. They played with the cat that they conveniently named "Boy" and started talking to me. Nobody asked for names - I think they're just as surprised as I am that there's somebody older by the swings in that hour at that place. I wasn't up for talking - and good thing that they're more interested in playing with the cat and telling their own stories.

Finally, when I decided I needed to go, they are polite enough to accompany me to the cleaners and back to our unit.

I could be a Pied Piper of kids.

My thoughts aren't loud anymore.

Hello blogworld.

After procastinating on blogging for so long, I think I might have gathered my thoughts already.

16 days of being a Vegan is not bad at all. Although, sobrang natatakam talaga ako sa Pizza. I have got to discover where to get soy-cheese here sa Pinas! Waah!

Oh well.

Anyhow, I recently met up with my Aunt slash God Mother for the heck of showing up. As to my previous entry, I loath meeting up with the rest of my Mom's and Dad's clan. I had this realization why it's so hard to drag my conditioning into meeting them...

Because I'm not out.

As simple as that. And thanks to my ever naive sister, gay-talk is always in the air. So I decided to come out, once and for all - pero sa Dad ko lang. An affirmation is all he needs from me - I think. Hello. Bi is the new gay.

So, I plan to do that after we celebrate his birthdate this month in a form of a letter. Ilang beses ko nang inimagine kung pa'no ko sasabihin ng harapan, hindi ko talaga kinaya. Matatawa lang ako.

Moving on...

We went surfing last weekend (Oct.13-14) in La Union. Just a spur of the moment after madiscover ni Jc yung site where we can do that at a cheaper price at package na sha. http://thetravelfactor.multiply.com/ 

Worth it na halos matuyo na ang dagat dahil sobra sobra na ang nainom ko. Pero successful naman. Official surfer na'ko! *palakpakan* We plan to go back again. Asteg!

Sigh. Just to jot this down.

I loath family reunions. Why? Relatives seem to have this memory of you that they will try to retain. If you show up changed, they will try to change you back or persecute you with questions.

And I'm not really sure how many people in this world who enjoys explaining themselves to other people who pretends they care when in reality, they just want attention away from themselves, or they just love controlling other people's lives.

I only have so much energy for such. It's such a drag to answer "o.. kamusta ka naman ngayon? OK ka ba sa trabaho mo? Magkano sweldo mo?" and personals like that. And if you give few words as answers, they will just draw their own conclusions that I don't even want to elaborate.

My sister says I'm just being missed. Maybe so. I don't feel the same.

When someone says "I miss you", they miss their idea of you - meaning they already have that idea of you.

Of course, I spent most of my youth with these people, and I pretty much have a idea on how they are.

Like I said, I'm a struggling Bhuddist. Everybody's 100% Catholic. That's another aspect I loath explaining because that's a never ending debate - in whichever part of the world.

When people get together, they eat right? I'm a Vegetarian. And few hours from now, I'm transitioning to being a Vegan. I'm giving up dairy products - which sums up to further explanation of WHY I can't even eat cheese. These are the things that I do for myself and for what I believe in.

I would really love to explain that part - but to avoid offending them and their diet and their lifestyles and their usual daily lives, I would just rather not show up.

.

Yes I've been pushing things back in my mind so I won't be reactive to things. I must be able to think clearly before I decide what to say.

I got promoted. Department Specific Trainer. Somebody who, in the future, will train the next batch who will handle the same job as my batch is doing now. I'm thrilled and glad about what I could learn in the future - anything that will not allow idle-ness to eat me up.

I'm trying hard to be reachable still and stay stuck on the ground. This time, I'm part management, part agent. Part of those people who tries to understand both sides and not be reactive on anything because one wrong move is abomination.

I think that pretty much explains my passiveness - or I'm already passive, I just get to apply that easily on things.

I turned 25 last 24th. Not much of a celebration - but I'm celebrating within. Quarter of a century - not bad. I've learned a lot - I gained more patience, I can handle, balance, and somehow apply wisdom. I'm still not materialistic and I don't create my own misery. Things will come all in good time. I still understand harder in a struggled wider perspective. I'm still a child within and without but I feel growth.

My friend died few days after my birthdate. I pushed the lament back but I didn't do a good job. There's just so many things to think about. Moving out, the condo, a playstation, a laptop, a phone, my reports, proposals, meetings, stats, training, friends, everybody else in the house, and Venz.

I'm not going to Venz's funeral neither did I go to her wake. I'm sure she understands. How should I know that long ago would be the last debate I would have with her about life. I wonder if she was able to realize things.

And thank God I'm home right now - and eat rice or a decent meal - I had relief.

They say when people climb the corporate ladder, they become more alone. Thank God too for a very understanding Girlfriend.