October 04, 2009 Sunday
16:44 Manila | 12:44 Dubai | 16:44 Shanghai

My Love,

I’m writing this just before I hit the showers again. The weather’s a little bit too windy today.

And just the same, I will say I miss you, because, I truly do. I couldn’t put so much emphasis on that because in the recent conversations that we had, that’s all you’ve been saying too.

I’m missing the memories that we could’ve been making together instead of apart; I’m missing the smiles that I could’ve been seeing in close encounter instead of imagining them in my heart.
I’m missing the tantrums that I could’ve been consoling instead of hushing with desperate grace; And I’m missing each kiss, each affection, and each passion instead of counting the days.

And just the same, I will say I love you, because I truly do. I couldn’t put so much emphasis on that because in the recent conversations that we had, that’s all you’ve been saying too.

I love you more than the memories that we could’ve been making together, because we have our whole lives ahead; I love you more than the smiles we could’ve been exchanging - I understand instead.
I love you more than our tantrums that needed consoling and more than our silent screams; And I love you more than understanding, more than patience, and more than our dreams.

And through all these, I didn’t choose to fall nor did I choose to see; That all the memories that we’ve been making were all meant to be. Grace Patricia Francisco, what is there not to love about you? When all my being effortlessly just say “I Do”?

Love, I love you more than to show you each drop of longing. But I know you love me enough to heed to that feeling.

Sigh.

I’m hitting the showers now. The winds dominated the weather today.

Stay safe.

I love you.

-Ger mo lang.

...'cause I'm crazy 'bout you, baby. Time after time. Without you one night alone, is like a year without you, baby...

There's silence once again after 48 hours of filling these walls with secrets, I'm left with throbbing yellows and violets. Yet, I'd rather have them.

For every drop it brings is one more moment spent with you...

No, this is not self-torture. It's sweet.

We'll make heaven a place on earth.

It's almost like a long dream. Tonight, I'm not fixing anything until the morning breaks so I'd wake up knowing this is real.

Transcript:

FT: Boss ger faith po 2.. 1st col cntr q po 2 aq po ung ksma s unang btch n ntanggl s trainn ng AU acct. po..galng po q ng gs chat pngtrainn po q ng lp ksma un mga bgo po xe d po nmn m mt ung reso.Boss bngsak po q ng trainor nmn dahl po d q dw npsa ung asesmnt pro bt po gnun ung regular n k team nmn bgsak xa tos d n po pnagretke dahl regulr n nmn dw po..Boss ayoko po xe malipt ng ibng acct. Xe gs2 q po mgarl ult pangako q po xe s ta2y q bgo xa ma2ty..Kelangn q po ng advice nyo..Boss pwd secret ntn 2?Dqpo xe lam g2wn q my sakt p po xe mama q d po q pwd mwlan ng trbho xe dme po gstos..Ingat po..God bless po..

Ger: Hi Faith. good morning. Long message. Ü are you still with Suth?

Ger: Sorry. I had to read your message over again. In short, they are transferring you to another account? Kelan start ng training mo with that?

FT: Boss sori po pnghanda q lng po ng pgkain c mama..Opo Boss... lutang po x e icp q Boss s 22o lng msma loob q xe kaht lam q nme2rsonal po ung trainor q kaht anong msmang salita n gnagmt nya pg gs2 nya q sitahn d q po xa sinasgot kaht sbe ng mga tenurd ska ng kteam q n foul n po ung cnasbe nya... D q po xe ugali n mang away at mgkaron ng kaawy..Nkiusap po q sknya boss n saluhn nya q kso d dw po pwd xe iba n dw po pama2lakd n gngwa ng bgong n hire n ngha2ndle s mga trainor po kya d dw nya mga2wn ng paran..Pero Boss pngretake nya q ksma ng ibng bumagsk pro bt po gnun tos cnabe p nya pault ult n ala n dw po prob ung k team nmn requlr kht bgsak sa asesmnt xe regular n dw..boss mahal q po ung acct.q kya nsa2kn po q sobra....

Ger: A.. the account and not the job. Kasi, may friends ka na. Look. When you applied sa Suth, ano ba ang gusto mo? What did you promise your Dad?

FT: Opo boss nta2kot po xe q na mtagalan un pglipt skn, ang hrap po xe aq lng inaasahn ng mama q na my sakt...

Ger: Continued hiring ang suth even sa ibang accounts. Look, yes, there are more chances for the regular employees na magstay kasi, they already proved themselves, as compared to the new hires. If this is your first call center, there is a good reason why you're not passing. maybe the trainer has an attitude, but let's not blame everything on her. I'm sure this is not what you promised your Dad. Kelan ka daw lilipat?

FT: Boss pumasok lng nmn aq col cntr xe kelangn q po makaipon s opersyn ng mama q...Nxt yr po xe my pension n po xa kya sbe q ta2pusn q po ung pgaarl q aq lng po xe d nka grad.Smn mgkaptd tos bgo po ma2ty papa q ngalala xa skn xe lam nya n d q po kyang mg1 kya nangako po q sknya n ta2pusn q pgaarl q pra d xa mgalala...

Ger: natanggal ka na ba sa work or in the process of transfer ka? When daw start ng training?

FT: D p dw po nya alm boss c emhir po ung trainor nmn boss bt gnun xa sa flr mayabng xa hanggng sa pgtu2ro tos sa2bihn p po nya s mga bgong trainee n puro yabng lng dw c boss alex pro ala nmn dw pong alm sa cct.Boss mre2gular p po b q?Nxt mon.Po sna kung my ta2nggp p skn n acct...

FT: Bgsak po ng asesment..Pro lipt dw po ng acct.D p dw po lam kung kelan kme mk2pasok ng training eh..Dp dw po nya nka2usp ung hr...

Ger: Go to Alex Reyes. Tell him I sent you to him. We don't need to complain about the trainer pero tell him, he needs to set your expectations since he hired you. Tell him how important this job is for you.

FT: Boss gs2 q po xe mgchat ult..Sbe xe n boss pwd dw bumalik pg lam n nmn kya n nmn..D po q matalino boss pro gs2 q po magng gaya mo laht ng agent respetdo k po kaht ung mga kaibgn q po s cht cnsbe n kw po yung best xe laht pnaki2nggn mo at bnibgy nyo po laht ng tulong...

Ger: Ü if they told you na pwede bumalik, then by all means. Go to Alex Reyes and tell him I sent you to him. I'm sure he will listen. I understand that you really need this job. Pero dear, open your mind ha? Call center life might not be for you.

Listen to what your heart is telling you.
Kuha ka ng paper, and write down your goals.
And relax and smile. It's not the end of the world. Ü

FT: Boss ang nsa icp q lng n goal s ngayn mpsaya mama q at s kaht n anong pran ayoko po maghrap xa gs2 q po xa bgyan ng magndang buhay habng kilala p po nya q...Xa nlng po xe nti2ra skn... Sakripisyo q n po sknya buhy q boss gs2 q lng xe klala p nya pangaln q pgtanda nya...Bsta boss gs2 q po magng katuld nyo...Gs2 q pong dagdagn p ung mga kwnto ng mga kteam q dte na naitulong nyo sknla bilang agent... Gs2 q pong magng katuld nyo Boss...regards po ky dadi ed boss h? faith tapia po 2 ingat po God bless po....Boss Ger thank you po xe ang bait bait mo tlga kaht saglt lng aq s au.... Salamat po boss ng marami....

Ger: Faith, it's going to be okay. Ü and I'm sure your Mama and Papa are so proud of you. Pero don't say you're sacrificing. Remember, you have your life too. And what will make them the happiest is to know that you are living your life. You're a great person, and it is an honor to have met you and speak with you now. Kasi, I know in the future, you will be bigger than me, just learn patience and understanding. Ü let go of the drama and choose to be happy. Ü

FT: Boss pagaling k po h? gs2 kta ult mkatrbho gs2 q po pg ngkta tyo ult magng proud k dn ska sa2bihn q dahl npunta q ky boss ger...hehe ingat po God bless po!

Ger: Ü thanks.
The fact that you sent me an sms, I'm already proud. It takes a lot of courage to reach out. You don't need to be under me, kasi my legacy will always embrace everyone.
Ingat ka palagi. Ü

FT: Boss mraming mrami pong salamat s laht ng advice n touch po q sa 22o lng... Mahal na mahal dn po kw ng buong NA GS Chat boss...At ng laht ng nhandle mo po sa flr....Ingat po boss pagaling k po boss h.....God bless you po....

Ger: Ü and I feel the same. You're always welcome.

*******

I thought she didn't have an idea that I'm not connected with the company for almost two months now because she kept calling me "Boss" - unti the latter part of the conversation.

I will always be humbled by encounters like this.

...I want you to know, that I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but the best for you both.

*******

...An older version of me, is she perverted like me.. ? ... does she speak eloquently, and would she have your baby, I'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother.

14 years ago, this album screams the hell out of a carpeted bedroom, almost soundproofed abstract-painted walls, with a mattress and no bed, on the floor. Airconditioning will be on full blast until it's very cold to make you scream your lungs out.

What was she so mad about anyway?

She's not mad-angry. She's mad-crazy.

You'll see in her eyes, there's fire. Ready to burn everything on it's path. And everywhere she goes it just goes bright and brighter until it's blinding.

...You seem very well, things look peaceful. I'm not quite as well. I thought you should know.

Then she became dormant. Very dormant that you thought it was just a phase she's going through. It was almost a sigh of relief and maybe a sign of growth.

But every once in a while a very weak spark - yet still a spark, ignites.

...I'm not gonna fade as soon as you close your eyes, and you know it.

And when kindled, it burns and starts a fire.

I am afraid that when she takes over, hell will freeze from what she can burn.

...And I am here, to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me, you oughta know...

Majority of the senses' memory of some things is acquired. Could it be that a sudden shift of persona affect one's remembrance of moments?

Can one really say "I don't remember" and mean it 100%? Mechanically, we remember things and circumstance but do we associate feelings along?

She might have disassociated herself fully from the life she lived for 27 years. And in as much as she says she remember things vividly, now, they all seem to be a blur. A shift happened - and the view is wider, wider than what she can recall. Because she sees them with a new set of eyes.

"I wanted to see the world as how you see it."

I am now.

In the past few days, I've had the feeling that I was being watched. Either by some force from somewhere, literally or figuratively. I know that if I stayed silent, I will be able to see back.

Yesterday, I went and checked on another site that I maintain - and yes, I just knew I was being watched - so I watched back.

*******

I am disturbed.

True, in history, people open heartedly die when they have finally found their match.

Should that apply to love?

*******

I miss her.

Faster than a shooting star, baby you stole my heart and I never want it back..

I woke up with a sudden jolt this morning. I scrambled for my phone to check what time it is. 4 am. We are airmiles away but exists at the same time. I wonder how long before the air I breath turns to a full cycle and get to you. Because I've been sending kisses in the air.

I wonder how long before I get flooded with more thoughts to ponder on.

I get fewer voices now. Could it be that I'm finally merging into one? I'm noticing that in my walks, the voices agree. They actually agree not to argue.

I'm suddenly peaceful.